Chavmageddon!

[The Content of this is not to be taken seriously and is for comical purposes only.]

Hey People…

Now most of you already know where I stand when it comes to chavs. The bastards constantly cling onto us humans sucking us completely dry of blood and money. The leech-like creatures are evolving quicker than ever and it scares me to think that these things might one day be running the country. Now that’s not really something we need to worry about at the moment unless the Innit Party wins some local elections.

Point being that these idiots are breeding like rabbits leading to an influx of chavlets. Imagine a toddler in a white tracksuit (Stolen from other toddlers, of course) and a knife in its hand and you kinda get the picture. Chavlets will then follow the amazing role models that are the parents and go on to perform indescribable feats such as burgling the neighbours and shoplifting from the corner shop.

Chav-42885

Meet Darryl. Yes, he is as retarded as he looks. He has eighteen children, all named “Jayden”. He also holds the record for the most corner shops robbed in one hour.

We have a problem here people… The chavs are becoming organised. A few months back, Chris and I were standing and observing the local wildlife. Being normal hardworking citizens, we were invisible to the chavs. We have a theory that the subspecies of chav known as the Boy Racers (Chavus Expensiveinsuranceforallus) have a hierarchy never before seen by Chavologists.

There seems to be a Head Chav (ArchChav, Chav Leader, “Darren”… We’re not sure of its name.) which we theorise organises the rest of the chavs. Why or how this hierarchy operates, we do not know. Experts say the Head Chav is the one with the most shankings to his name or the one with the most ASBOs…

The point being, they’re getting organised. They drive round at high speed in their shit cars to prove how bad they are. We get the point. You have a loud engine. Now, the only explanation for the stupidly loud engines is that all Chavs have small or non-existent genitals leading to the Napoleon complex which makes them behave in a gorilla-like manner in order to prove their manliness. Whilst this is admirable, the Chavs fail to realise that the rest of the world is merely putting up with them.

Problem : Chavs are becoming more in number.

Solution: UK-Wide Chav Cull.

It’s simple… We kill the Chavs, man.

If we were to humanely kill (Stab) all the Chavs to death, taxes would go down as we would be paying much less towards various benefits. That would make the UK a much happier place. Happier workers lead to more productivity. Then we take over the world and make Great Britain actually great instead of being the Chav-infested scum hole we are now.

Also, less Chavs means less litter which also improves the environment which will help ecosystems thrive. We can also recycle the Chavs into compost in order to grow our own food. Their cars can be melted down into scrap and used to make crowbars for “National Chav-Whacking Day” in which we can keep the numbers down.

Of course wiping out an entire species is irresponsible. We’ll keep a few thousand alive and put them in Essex. We then wall it off and leave them to their own devices. I’m sure they’ll be very happy there. Plus we can have our very own version of the death penalty. Death by Chav. Throw a criminal into Essex with just a day’s supply of food and a tracking device. See how long they last!

So to summarise:

1) Kill most of the Chavs.

2) Throw remaining Chavs into Essex.

3) Wall Essex off.

4) ???

5) PROFIT!

Until next time…

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